On being a Mom ...

I love being a Mom every single day. But sometimes it just hits me harder than others. Last night before I went to bed I went to check the kids like I do every night. As I pulled Mylie's covers up around her I just thought about how much she's grown. She is such a delight to me. She is so quick and witty and smart. Her gorgeous blue eyes just seem to have an extra sparkle in them lately. She is doing so well at math and spelling and writing. She is so proud of herself every time she learns something new. She is fiercely independent, she is so very much like me. She is such a happy kid and is so very protective of her little brother. My heart just swells with love when I think about her. I love reading stories with her and braiding her long hair. I love it on the rare occasions when she slows down long enough for hugs or snuggles. I love that she is the one who made me a Mom.

After tucking her in, I snuck into Blake's room to cover him up. He is never at the same side of the bed that we originally laid him down on. He's turned himself all around and lays flat on his tummy. The light from the hall woke up him and he looked up at me and put his arms up. How can a Momma resist her little boy? I scooped him up and sat down in the chair, he burrowed his little head into my chest and was quickly back asleep. But I couldn't lay him down just yet and we sat and I rocked and I held him tight.

I held this little boy, who makes me laugh, who loves to snuggle with me, whose toothy smiles melts my heart. And I thought about how you have no clue what your heart is capable of until you become a mom. You have no clue how happy it can be or how much it can hurt. And you have no understanding of your capacity to love. The love a mom has for her children is like nothing else on this earth. I read a quote yesterday that said,

Before you were conceived I wanted you.
Before you were born I loved you.
Before you were here an hour I would give my life for you.
That is the miracle of life.

The amazing thing is that your heart keeps growing. I remember being pregnant with Blake and thinking of how much I loved Mylie and wondering if my heart was capable of loving two children that much. But right there, in the delivery room, the second I heard his little squawk, my heart doubled in size.

I contemplated just sleeping in the rocker, snuggling my baby in his soft fleece PJs, listening to his gentle breathing and holding him so tightly. Because I know what happens, someday these two are going to grow up. They aren't going to want to spend their free time with Jeff and I. Someday they won't think that I am smart, they won't want my advice, they will roll their eyes at me, they will get mad at me. Sigh. {Don't ask me how I know this.}

That's another thing you learn when you become a parent. Its like all of a sudden, on the day your first baby is born, that is when you start to realize how much your parents really love you. You know it all your life, but you can't really comprehend it until then. It is interesting the time frame for the lessons we learn in life.

Finally I gave Blake one more kiss, squeezed him tight and laid him back in his crib. I went upstairs, got on my knees and thanked my Heavenly Father for the blessing these two children are in my life. Houses and jobs and cars and material possessions, they all come and go. I feel so blessed that our family, the thing that is the most important, is eternal.