Thursdays.

Thursdays are my days off from work and school, though usually I am still working at home, grading papers or prepping or something of the likes. The kids and I really needed to have a good day this Thursday. I stayed up late the night before grading. Even though I was tired when I got up the next morning (after a whopping 5 hours of sleep), I woke up with the determination to have a great day.

The kids slept in until 7:45, a beautiful thing in itself. I made oatmeal for Mylie for breakfast and she told me it was delightful! DELIGHTFUL, she really said that. I knew that moment we would have a fabulous day. After a bit we headed off to the library for story time. When Mylie was little we went to story time every week. It has been a long time since we have gone and the kids loved it. We checked out a big ol' pile of books. We met Alicia and kiddos there and then decided to go to lunch, our husbands met us too and we had a delicious, oh so yummy lunch. The kids were all so good, we had great food and great conversation. The kids and I then met Melissa and the kids at a new {amazing} scrapbook store in Boise. Such fun! We browsed around, picked up some supplies, and signed up for a crop next week. Mylie picked out some valentine's paper.

We came home, Blake {kind of} went down for a nap and Mylie and I scrapbooked. We worked on projects, decorated valentine's mailboxes and just had a lovely afternoon. Blake got up and we read stories and played. It WAS a delightful day. No one argued or yelled or talked back {including me!}. Blakey only went to time-out a handful of times {hey, he is two, it is to be expected}. It is SO easy to get SO busy. I'm trying very hard to make all my moments with my kids quality moments.

My Dove chocolate fortune today said, "Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances." Note to self, remember that!

Message in a chocolate

Tonight I had a Dove chocolate (well, I may have had more than one). Inside each chocolate is a little message. Tonight's message is one that I think all moms need to remember. "Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect."

One more to add, "Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances."

Farewell dear friend!

A few weeks ago I sold my camera to my sister Courtney and upgraded to a different model. In October, when she was visiting, I was taking some pictures of Lila and she mentioned how she really wanted to get a camera like mine. I said (because I am Grandpa Jack's granddaughter, so apparently everything is for sale) that if she decided she really wanted to get a DSLR camera to let me know and I would sell her mine and then upgrade. I didn't think much about it, but not too long later she told me she did want to buy it and we struck up a deal.

Right after Christmas I found a used upgraded camera body for a great deal and got it. As I was getting my camera ready to ship to Courtney, I literally started crying. And although I was very excited for my new camera, I was feeling very melancholy. I think it is because this particular camera was much more than just a camera to me.

After Mylie was born, I had terrible post partum depression for a long time. I was head over heels in love with Mylie and so happy to be a mom, but it was just a tough time for me. Because of that, I was slightly apprehensive about how I would be after Blake was born. I had enjoyed photography as a hobby for a long time, and my interest in it increased as my interest in scrapbooking increased after Mylie was born. I knew that to really work on my photography skills, I needed to upgrade to a DSLR camera and so shortly after Blake was born, I did. Jeff is so supportive of my hobbies and I think he knew too, that having a new hobby to focus on in the post partum time would be helpful ... and it was.

I have spent hundreds of hours studying photography in the last almost 2 years. I have read books, studied online tutorials, participated in an online photo community, and taken classes. I'm not claiming to be a super photographer, but I am really pleased with how my photography skills have improved since that time. I can tell a difference in my pictures. I understand f stops and shutter speed and ISO. I can look at a picture (usually mine) and identify what I could have done differently to make it a better picture.

That camera represented all of that to me. All those hours of studying, thousands of pictures taken testing out what I had learned. It represented me not sinking into the depths of depression after Blake was born. It represented all the moments of our family's life that I have captured in the last two years. For a few days, my camera sat on my desk I wasn't sure if I could send it to Courtney. I started working with my new camera and getting the hang of it. My D40 is now Courtney's D40 and it lives in Iowa. It has already taken super cute pictures of little Lila (http://jcschreck.blogspot.com/). Courtney has a great eye for photography and I am excited to hopefully have a hobby to share with her. I am excited to watch her skills develop. I am certain my old camera is happy in its new home.

My new camera and I are becoming friends. Although it is the same brand, there are some difference that took me a bit to get used to. But I know this camera has the potential to do great things and I am excited! I am grateful to have a hobby that I really love and a family that is supportive of it!

Determination

Today Jeff tested for his black belt in Kenpo. It was a 5+ hour physical test and he has already limped up the stairs to bed. This is a picture I snapped of him the other day as he was practicing. I am so proud of him and of his determination. He was been working on this for over 6 years. He gets up every morning at 5 to train. {I don't get out of bed at 5 for anything!} I'm so impressed with this dedication and determination. Six+ years is a very long time to be working towards something and I am so very proud of him!!!

I'm someone's Dr. Tatum!

When I originally registered for college, I was a journalism major. I thought I wanted to be a writer. I had registered for a criminal justice course as an elective because it sounded interesting. Dr. Tatum was my professor. After the first day of class, I went and changed my major to criminal justice and never looked back. I took many courses from him in my years at Ricks College. He was an excellent teacher, knowledgeable in his field, and really cared about his students. I think very fondly about him to this day and truly believe he inspired me to the career I have today. I still keep in touch with him and actually went back to guest speak in one of his classes last year.

At the end of last semester I had a lot of students come and talk to me. Some of them told me how their view of the criminal justice system had changed as a result of our class. Some told me they have changed their career path after our class. One young man stayed after the last day of class to talk to me. He is 18 years old and is on track to finish his bachelors degree in 3 years. He has plans to go to law school and wants to become a judge. He is Hispanic and I connected him with Idaho's only Hispanic judge during the course of the class. He has had many opportunities to meet with him this semester. He told me that our course helped him to map out his future, he wants to be Idaho's next Hispanic judge, and if he sticks to his plan, he could apply for a judgeship by his 30th birthday. I was so impressed with his dedication and planning. Then he told me that at 14 he committed a felony and that he never thought his life would take this course. I had chills.

I left last semester with the thought that I am someone's Dr. Tatum. I am helping students determine their career paths, and hopefully I am inspiring them. I am helping them shape their views about the criminal justice system, about the courts, about the laws of this country.

I just finished the evaluations that my students did last semester on me and a teacher and on my courses. Seriously, I had tears in my eyes when I was done. I know that is cheesy, but it reaffirmed to me that this is what I want to do. This is the path I want my career to take. I LOVE teaching at a community college. Students are there because they want to be. They really want to continue their education and better themselves. Our classes are a great mix of students, I have parents (and even grandparents) returning to college, or starting fresh for the first time, I have students who just graduated from high school, I have students in high school who are doing concurrent enrollment, I have students who just released from prison, I have individuals who have lost their job and are retraining for a new career. I love being a part of teaching them. It is a great feeling to have a job that I truly love!!

He did it!

Last night was Blakey's first night in his big boy bed. We were a little nervous about how it would go. Apparently no need to worry. Little man went to bed at 6:30 and slept until 7 this morning. Yay!

Big boy bed!

A certain almost 2 year old little boy got a big boy bed. Jeff put it together when he was in bed last night and when he woke up this morning, there it was and he was SO excited! Today's nap will be his first try in it, we'll see how it goes!

I cannot believe how fast he is growing!

Big Sister

Mylie is such a great big sister to Blakey. The other day he wasn't feeling well, he had a low fever and a cold and didn't sleep much the night before. He was so misreable the next day and after playing for a bit, he went in his room, got "big blue" (his blanket), climbed in the recliner and was asleep in minutes (very non-Blake like behavior). Mylie climbed up next to him and put her arm around him. She just loves him so much and is such a great helper. She plays cars with him and then helps him pick his toys up afterwards. Her new favorite thing to help with is helping him brush his teeth. He just follows her around and wants to do everything with her.

I'm pretty sure that my favorite part about being a mom is watching the interactions between my kiddos. I sure love them!

Fathers are the unsung heros.

{Just a random pic I snapped of Jeff when he came home for lunch the other day. He always has a football he tosses around, I think he looks like a coach on the sidelines in this picture, hehe!}

For Christmas I gave Jeff a man-cation (his word), which translates simply to a night away for the two of us. Alicia (awesome lady) kept the kids AND dog overnight and we had just a lovely time. Jeff and I don't really get away that often without the kids, it has been over a year since that last time. We had a chance to really talk and I have been thinking about how lucky I am to be married to him.

My friends often remind me of that, what an amazing man he is. He can cook, do laundry, and iron, and not only CAN he do these things, but he DOES them all the time. He adores the kids and has such a calming presence in our home.

After my sister had her first baby this summer, Jeff and I were talking and reminiscing about when Mylie was born and how your life changes with that first baby. He said something that I haven't forgotten and that made me think. He said how in a new family, fathers automatically become #3. First there are the baby's needs to be met, and then the mom's needs/wants to be met, and then after that if there is time or resources, the dad's needs/wants are met. He didn't say this with resentment, just matter-of-factly.

And this is really how Jeff is. He ALWAYS puts the kids and I first. He always makes sure we have what we need and even what we want before he thinks about himself. He is so supportive, he is never demanding, he is super patient, especially with me.

I love him. I really, really do. I'm grateful for the man he is. I am grateful for his parents raising him to be the man he is. And I am blessed, really, really blessed!

These two ...

... really make me laugh! Look at Blake's face in these pictures! Although he has a bit of a terror look going on, he loves his sissy like nothing else. And I love these two something fierce! I have been thinking about parenting and families so much lately, perhaps because it is the beginning of the year and of new starts.

We had ward conference today and our Bishop and Stake President both focused all their remarks on the family, pulling a lot from the family proclamation. Some things that jumped out at me :

• "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations." -The Family: A Proclamation to the World
• "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." -President David O. McKay
• "Societies are having terrible youth problems, but I am convinced they have a greater parent problem." President Gordon B. Hinckley
• "It is in the home that hope is fostered or destroyed." -President Thomas S. Monson

President Stafford (our stake president) said that children are our refiner's fire. We sacrifice for them and we {hopefully} give up bad habits and selfishness. Our meeting today definitely gave me a lot to think about and helped me recognize {even more} things I need to work on. It is funny, as I approach my 34th birthday this week, I can think of when my mom was my age. I was 10 years old when she was 34, and it is so strange. I don't see myself as mature, as selfless, as domestic, as calm as my mom was at my age.

On a related note, I was called to serve in the young women's organization in our ward as the Mia Maid advisor (14-15 year old girls). Yay, I am so excited. When the Bishop was setting me apart last week he said a few things that rung very true and were excellent reminders. He reminded me that I am first, a daughter of God; second, a wife; and third, a mother. He also spoke of being able to prioritize. Of course in theory this is an easy thing, but it was a great reminder. I have SO much going on and I will admit that I don't prioritize well. This is something I really want to work on this year. I am starting to recognize that some of the stress at our house (OK, mostly between Mylie and I), I am inadvertantly creating.

I feel optimistic this year. I know the things I need to improve on and I really have a desire to make those changes. Not just because it is the beginning of the year and I am supposed to, but because I want to. I just feel so blessed with this two wonderful kids, an amazing husband, loving and supportive parents and in-laws, and super siblings! I have THE cutest nieces and nephew and the bestest friends. I am truly blessed.

"one little word" for 2010

This year I have decided to pick one word that I want to define 2010 for me. I have thought about it and although I thought it might be difficult to pick just one word for a whole year, it wasn't. For 2010 the word I have chosen is:

example

This word even sums up what I want to accomplish this year. There are so many things I want to do better, so many things I want to improve about myself, but when it comes right down to it, I want to be a better example for Mylie and Blake. And I know, that by improving those things about myself, it will make me a better example.

Last week in church our Bishop spoke and was discussing how when Christ told his Apostles that one of them would betray him, they each asked him, "Lord, is it I?" He then went on to talk about how so often when there are problems in our families, our marriages, our relationships, we are quick to blame the other person(s) when more than likely, we should be asking, "Lord, is it I?"

The kids and I had a wonderful Christmas break together, but we had one really, really tough day. It involved crying (by all of us). When the emotion was passed and I looked at the situation, I honestly could answer yes to the question, "Lord, is it I?"

I want to do better by my kids than I am now. I'm not saying I'm a bad mom, not that at all, but I do realize there are many things I could do different/better. More times than I can count as a probation officer I discussed with parents that children demonstrate learned behavior. On our no-good-really-bad-terrible-day, Mylie's "learned behavior" was an unfortunate reflection of some of my not so virtuous traits.

I don't know that there is even a word than can express how much I love these two. My heart just swells, and my eyes fill with tears when I think about it. I know that they love me madly, and I want to be deserving of that childlike, Christlike love.

Happy 2010!!