On Motherhood

Poor Mylie had the stomach flu again today, it was only a few weeks ago she had it last. She napped all afternoon, which was good, until it was time to go to bed tonight. She laid in bed for an hour and a half and just couldn't fall asleep. Around 10 I went in and laid down with her. We talked for a bit and I rubbed her head and she started to doze off. I held her close and thought about how much she had grown, from a little baby to a big girl, about to start school. I thought about all that she brought to my life, I thought about what her future might hold. I wondered if there were nights when I was little that my mom did the same thing. What did she think about? What did she think my future would be? When I was 5 years old, what were her wishes and dreams for me?

I heard light snores coming from Mylie and started to slowly get out of her bed. As soon as I started to move, she snuggled up closer to me and said, "I love you momma" in a sleepy voice. I snuggled right back up to her, forgot about the papers I was grading, the book I was reading. all the "things" I was going to go back to doing. I smoothed her hair, kissed her forehead and told her that I loved her and I was so proud of her. I thought of my Mom, and her mom, who has been gone for nearly 4 years, and my Dad, whose mom has been gone for 24 years. I thought about what they might give to have their moms sit close to them, smooth their hair, kiss their foreheads and tell them that they are proud of them and they love them.

I thought about how life is fleeting, how we never know what it will hold. I thought about the times that my children might inadvertently think that the computer, work, a book, the TV, someTHING that I am doing is more important to me than they are. I laid there for another half hour, smelling her freshly washed hair, listening to her quiet snoring, and thanking God for the blessings in my life.

On Sunday we were studying the Psalms. We read Psalms 78:38, which reads, "But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, may a time turned his anger away, and did not stir up all his wrath." The teacher asked how we thought this verse related to our lives. I immediately knew how it related to my life. It made me think about how I parent. How often am I upset with my children over some inconsequential thing? Not picking up after themselves, lallygagging, spilling something, etc. Do I raise my voice over these things? Sometimes, unfortunately, yes. Am I slow to forget their mishap? Sometimes, unfortunately, yes. How often do I things worse than spilling milk or not cleaning my room? The Lord doesn't yell at me. He doesn't remind me of my mistakes. He forgives me and He loves me. What a fabulous example of a loving parent.