The Wall

as in, I feel like I have hit the wall.

I know that I have no right to whine. My kids are healthy, my marriage is good, we have good jobs, and a house, and food on the table. But literally, this week is giving me a massive sized headache.

My semester starts Monday and I am teaching 12 credits. I'm running the college's first criminal justice internship program, which seems to be falling apart before it started. I am glad I have this teaching job, really, but I honestly thought by the beginning of this semester, THIS would be my only job. I was *this* close to a full time faculty position and then the college lost the @#$*&!#$^% funding (my mom reads this blog). So now, once again, I will be working two jobs this fall.

I got volunteered to be a mentor to faculty teaching online courses for the first time. That turned into a cluster and was way more work than it was worth. The money I'll make from that was definitely NOT worth it (though it did buy a new camera lens). It is exciting that the college is moving forward as fast as it is, but quick growth can be frustrating. I'll leave it at that.

The thought of Youth Court starting again gives me an ulcer. Oy. Not that I don't like it, I really do, but September is a crazy month. I feel like I am always gone and running like a mad woman (I'll avoid the chicken with her head cut off reference). The past years it has been OK to be gone in the evening, it has all worked out, but everything changes this year. . .

MYLIE STARTS KINDERGARTEN IN 11 DAYS!!

Don't get me wrong. I am so excited for her, she is so excited. But it is a whole new phase of life we are starting. Although she is getting excited, she is also apprehensive. Her nervous habit is that she puts her hands on her face or in her mouth. When she does that she gets sores on her mouth and face. And yes, her face is broke out right now. I know once she gets there and probably gets through the first hour, all will be well, but until then I'll worry.

I have never regretted that I am a working mother. That is what works for our family, I have a flexible schedule, and they have a wonderful caregiver while I am at work. But I will admit the thought that someone else will be picking her up at school a few days a week (even though it is you Alicia and I love you madly) breaks little pieces of my heart off.

Mylie is playing in a soccer league in Star this fall instead of in Boise. We thought it would be easier (location wise). We found out this week she will be practicing TWO DAYS A WEEK plus a GAME. Seriously? Oh, and apparently I am the ONLY working mother in Star because practice is at 5-6 and I am the only one it was a problem for.

Did I mention the mole that Jeff had to have biopsied last week came back as cancerous? He has to go in next week and have them cut around it. It isn't a big deal, except that everything seems like a bigger deal when you are on edge (which, did I mention, I am).

I was a mean mom today and every time my kids opened their mouths, my headache got bigger. And we are out of diet coke. We may run out of milk, bread, cheese, but we never run out of diet coke. Poor, poor, planning on my part.

Don't even get me started on Jeff's job, because every day when he comes home from work and tells me about work, I want to throw something westward. I may have yelled at our television during the news tonight when a county official was speaking.

My house is a disaster, I am not exaggerating. I don't even know how I am related to my mom and Grandma because I am not living up. Add that to the fact that we have been gone a good chunk of the weekends of the summer, it is not helping matters.

But I know in the whole grand scheme of things, I don't have anything to whine about. One of my friends is going through a divorce right now. One of my friends has a six year old nephew with cancer. Mostly, I am just grumpy. Mylie and I have been talking about gratitude and when we say our prayers not just asking Heavenly Father for things, but making sure we are thanking Him for our blessings, and specifically naming them. It has been heartwarming (and at times humorous) to listen to the blessings she is grateful for. It helps remind me of all the blessings I am grateful for.

Here's hoping some sleep, a trip with the kids (and my camera) to the park in the morning , a trip to the grocery store to pick up some diet coke (and perhaps pretzel m&ms), a hair cut (badly needed), are just the things the doctor ordered to make tomorrow a better day. Fingers crossed.