A matter of perspective ...

I woke up at 4 this morning, asleep, in my clothes, on the couch, my laptop with a dead battery on my lap. I was awake just long enough to set the computer on the floor and to grab a blanket and go back to sleep. I had a feeling this might be an indicator of the type of day ahead. Summer school ends this week and I have been getting end of semester papers graded and working on final grades. I am tired, more tired than I have been in a long time.

Our dishwasher started leaking, but neither Jeff or I have been home long enough to figure out the problem or set up a service call. Hence, the dishes are piling up. Although I hand washed some last night, when I looked at the kitchen this morning, it didn't appear to have made a dent. I went to get Blake up and his crib was broken. Yep, broken. Somehow incredible hulk baby did something which resulted in the bolt being gone and the side coming apart. Sigh. We had breakfast got dressed and got ready to go to daycare so I could work. Blake excitedly grabbed his sippy cup, then promptly dropped it on the living room floor, the lid popped off, resulting in a milk puddle in the carpet. Double sigh. Oh, and I found an earwig in the house this morning (I hate hate hate earwigs).

Somehow I made it through work, through grading papers, through administering a final exam and got home at 8. I was tired and a bit grumpy. Blake had done more damage to his crib and I had to set up the portacrib. The dishes had babies (or at least it looked like they had reproduced). I still had a stack of papers to grade.

I tend to multi-task when I grade, taking a break to blog or facebook. So in my grumpy state I stumbled on a blog of a family whose 2 year old daughter had died. And I read. And I sobbed. And I quickly reconsidered my mood. Because it is a matter of perspective and I think that lately my perspective has been focused on how tired I am, how much I am struggling at some things.

And so I stopped and thought how incredibly lucky and blessed I am that I have two beautiful, healthy and happy children who love me unconditionally. They love each other and are best friends. They make me so happy it brings me to tears. They don't care if I didn't get the dishes done, they don't care if we have cereal for dinner. They just want to be with me, no strings attached. A baby boy who wants to hug me and kiss me. Who wants me to give him zerbers, whose laugh is the absolute sweetest sound in the world. A little girl who is so sweet and so loving, who is a little mother herself. Who wants to play princesses and put together puzzles with me. Who loves to read and sing songs.

I am blessed to have a husband who loves me. Who still loves me when I am annoyed and short tempered. Who hand washes dishes and makes dinner and bathes kids when I have to work late. Who does laundry and takes care of the yard. Who works hard for his family. Who takes off work early to come home and run through the sprinklers with his kids. Who supports every single thing that I do and never asks for more than I can give. He is completely selfless and gives 100% of himself to the kids and I.

I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me. I know that I have been so busy lately I haven't acknowledged His hand in my life. I am reminded of a conversation my mom and I had one day. I remember we were driving to Provo (maybe for a scrapbook weekend) and it was after Mylie was born. I was making a comment about how lucky I was that I had found the job I had and could work part-time. Mom quickly responded by saying that it wasn't luck, but a miracle.

How often do we (do I) look at things that happen in our lives and feel lucky? When in reality they are little (or big) miracles in our life. I know I don't do it enough. I know I don't thank the Lord enough for the blessings in my life. I need to ... I have so much to be grateful for! So I think tomorrow I'll have a different perspective. Instead of focusing on being tired from school, I'll realize the miracle it was in this economy to find some extra income that pays well. I'll be grateful that dirty dishes meant we had food to eat. I'll be grateful that we have milk to spill (and to drink). Mostly I'll just take the time to recognize the Lord's hand in my life.